I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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