have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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