I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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