you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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