I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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