They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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