Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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