How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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