Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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