she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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