you would pick up someone in the library
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize