i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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