I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think people are normalizing furries
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize