we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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