I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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