I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize