if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize