the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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