She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize