Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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