my phone needs a breathalizer
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize