No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize