I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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