Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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