He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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