I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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