Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize