I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize