yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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