Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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