She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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