Midget sex pt 2 tonight
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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