before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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