His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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