last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize