tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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