you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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