you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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