so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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