It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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