I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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