John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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