the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are all done wearing pants today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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