His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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