If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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