Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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