There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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