Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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