pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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