There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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