What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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